What You Don't Know Can Kill You

Sidebar ad on my email sign-in page today:

The Simple Mistake That Could Cost Your Life

And of course, if you don't tune in to Eyewitness News on channel 5, you'll never know what it is, and you could DIE. (cue screeching violins from Psycho)

What is it with all the fearmongering on the local news? Every commercial I see for the news lately is some kind of ominous teaser about dangerous medications, home repair horror stories, deadly insect invasions, or how your next-door neighbors are most likely plotting to kill you.

Is it any wonder that people are so depressed by the news anymore?

When I was young, I got my paranoia and fear from the back-of-the-toilet copy of the Reader's Digest. That's where I learned all about the symptoms of every major disease, including some very rare ones. I also learned the signs for a heart attack and glaucoma. I also learned that any time you go out to sea on a small boat, you're probably going to be lost and have to drink your own urine and fight off sharks at some point.

Finding out that there were so many things to be afraid of was just one huge, vicious cycle. It opened me up to the possibility that there were all kinds of other things—diseases and military weapons and natural disasters—that I might not currently know about, that could kill me. In my young life, I already had enough anxiety over cancer, heart attacks, house fires, dogs, and thunderstorms. I didn't know if I could handle any more.

I kept thinking that knowledge—information—would relieve my fears. But the information just kept getting worse and worse. This was one big, scary world and no one was safe.

Now I'm old and those scary things still exist, as well as a whole crop of new scary things we didn't even imagine in the late half of the 20th century. But somehow, I'm finally okay with that. Things don't scare me much anymore. Sure, I'm concerned about things, but that pounding, gut-wrenching panic isn't there.

I guess I look at it like this: It's just life, and no one gets out alive.

Obey gravity—it's the law.

Living in a Fantasy

I recently found some episodes of Fantasy Island on the On Demand channel, and I watched a couple. I remember when I was a kid, Saturday night was a big deal because we'd watch The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. I had a big crush on Mr. Roark, and my favorite episodes were the ones where he had to fight against the devil or other various forces of evil.

The episodes I watched recently were still good. They're 100% processed Cheez Whiz, but in a good way. And Mr. Roark is still sexy-powerful. In one episode, he had to resist the attacks of a 300-year-old ghost who was in love with him. The ghost kept possessing the body of a woman (played by Tina Louise), so of course there were lots of opportunities for him to grab her while she convulsed back and forth in a low-cut gown. But he resisted the evil (and the ghost's attempts to make out with him), and finally the ghost was at peace. Roark is superbad in that way.

One weird thing: The way they treated Tattoo was really out of sync with today's PC attitude. No surprise there. The characters often referred to his tiny size, and it seemed like the role could be played by a talking monkey or an old-school robot. I'm not at all saying he's a talking monkey or a robot...but his character is used in much the same way. He's comic relief, and always gets the "Oh, that crazy Tattoo" head shake and indulgent smile.

I wish I could find old episodes of The Love Boat. That was a good one, too. I had a huge crush on Gopher. He was so awkward with the ladiesss.

We're too sexy for 2008.

A Little Bit of This and That

A few random things on my mind today:

My house is clean. It's such a great feeling. Heather came over last night and made it look great. Now I'm committed to keeping it nice longer than I normally do. It's funny, when my place is clean, it affects all different kinds of things in my life. I feel more "together," and I feel much more motivated to do things that are good for me. Weird how it's all connected like that. It's such a dramatic difference.

The ratties are settling in well. I cleaned their cage for the first time last night. I can't believe I've only had them a week—it feels longer, although not in a bad way. They're feeling more and more comfortable with me every day, as we're getting to know each other. They've grown a lot even in one week. And they're really entertaining and cute and fun, and I don't at all regret my decision to get them.

I've seen some good movies lately. I'm an On Demand fan, and I watch most of my movies that way. Recently I've seen:

Stardust—I'd heard how great this movie was, but in the beginning I was actually a little bored. It's pretty much your standard fairy tale kind of story, without much more. About halfway through, the story started to grow on me, and by the end I really liked it and even got a little teary-eyed. Seeing Robert De Niro as a gay pirate and dancing around in women's clothing, though...that was just embarrassing to watch.

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?—this was actually in the free section. It was directed by Sydney Pollack in 1969 and stars Jane Fonda. It has nothing to do with horses, and it's about a dance marathon during the Depression era. It was fascinating, painful, shocking, and wonderful all at once.

Carlito's Way—another free movie. I love Pacino movies, and this is a classic. Made me want to start going around and calling everyone "mang," as in, "How's it going, mang?" And it finally gave context to the famous line, "Say hello to my leetle friend." ((EDIT: Okay, the "leetle friend" line is actually from Scarface, which I also saw recently on On Demand. Thanks, Jason!))

The Nines—I hadn't heard of this movie or seen previews, but I like Ryan Reynolds so I checked it out. It was GOOD. Hard to explain, but it deals with three different storylines and characters, all played by Reynolds, and then they converge in a really cool way at the end.

Juno—Loved loved loved it. What an amazing character. The dialogue is funny and really stylized, and the story is just crazy enough to keep me riveted, and I loved how there was still a lot of warmth and "realness" in it. I love how this girl actually had parents who cared about her and were trying to help her through this rough time, even though they were mad at her for getting pregnant. And I loved the wrap-up, and who ends up with the baby. It was perfect. And Michael Cera...I don't even know how to express how amazing he is and how perfectly he does that awkward teenage boy thing.

I've read some good books lately. I finished Lay of the Land by Richard Ford, and it was beautiful. I also recently read The Optimist's Daughter by Eudora Welty. It was a quick read, and I loved the characterization. I think it could make a wonderful movie. I just started The Hours by Michael Cunningham last night, and I'm already engrossed.

I learned the Cities and Knights version of Settlers of Catan. It's really fun. Actually, more fun than the classic game. I'm teaching it to my friends at lunch today. Thanks, Raylyn!

Happy birthday to my sister Cathi! I love you and am happy you're part of my life. :)

Admit it, I'm adorable.

TGI (almost) F

This week it's been fun getting to know my little rat buddies, Chet and Javier. They're virtually identical in looks, but oh-so-different in personality. Here's a quick reference guide:

Chet: If he were human, he'd be the popular, football-jock party dude. He's outgoing and active, an intrepid explorer, and always the first to do something scary. He's an instigator and loves getting Javier riled up into epic three-story wrestling matches.

Javier: If he were human, he'd be the quiet, sensitive brother who has an eclectic (and somewhat pretentious) taste in music. He only deigns to do something once Chet has fully explored it and declared it "awesome." He's not very active on his own, but is more of a philosopher type.

I'll get some pictures of them in their new home later and post them.

On a completely unrelated note, I was wondering the other day if Susan or Bobby had updated their blog and I thought (literally), "I wonder what's up with Boozy and Sobbin." It made me laugh, and even more so when I realized what a great country song title that would be.

Cloris enjoyed her menthols until she started growing facial hair.

Monday, Monday

I'm picking up my pet rats tonight, finally. I'm really excited but I'm nervous, too. It's a big commitment, something to take care of. I know it pales in comparison to having a newborn baby (like Heidi and James) or even a lovable puppy, but it's still more responsibility and obligation than I've had in a long time.

But that's part of why I wanted to get these little rats. If I'm ever going to commit to something—or someone, for that matter—I need to start practicing so I don't hyperventilate at the mere thought of being needed.

I've gone out of my way in my adult life to make sure I'm not needed by anyone or anything. I flake out just enough to keep people wary of fully relying on me. But at the end of that road lies ... well, not much. Not much of what I really think I do want in my life, at least eventually.

I'm currently reading Lay of the Land by Richard Ford, and I'm loving it. It's the third in a series of books about Frank Bascombe, middle-aged and wondering what it's All About. Ford is a master in capturing that feeling of examining a life half lived, wondering if it's ever enough, or if you're even justified in hoping for more for yourself or the world. It's not pessimistic, but it's realistic enough that I really identify with it. Good things happen, but so do bad things. And no one is either fully good or thoroughly evil. The other books in the series, The Sportswriter and Independence Day, are just as filled with authenticity and earnest introspection. I highly recommend them.

It's Monday and it's dark and gray outside. But two little rats might just be the spot of warmth I'm looking for.

Sometimes Allen would gaze off into the horizon and wonder Why.

Here Comes the Sun

I'm in a really good mood today. It's surprising to me, because it's a Monday and I stayed up late last night, and I'm so sleepy and I have a headache that isn't really going away.

I think it's the weather. I've suspected for a while that I'm greatly affected by the weather, and today is such a beautiful day and it's warm and bright, and suddenly everything feels possible and positive and manageable. I'm looking forward to plans this weekend and even IM'd a friend to make additional plans to get together for brunch and a movie on Sunday.

So yeah. Seasonal affective disorder, anyone?

Heather came over on Saturday and helped me organize my front room. We made a lot of progress, and she's going to come over the next few Saturdays to work with me on the other rooms of my house. I've let things pile up and physical clutter makes me feel cluttered mentally, too. And I'm ready for a change.

I'm even starting to think about an exercise plan, now that the sunnier days will leave me a little more room in my head for other things.

And I want to start writing my novel again, and get my bike fixed and ride around town, and learn how to refinish wood furniture and work on my kitchen table, and make healthy meals every night at home, and ...

I know, I know.

But honestly, it's just nice to feel like doing anything again.

The failure wasn't in their choice of neckwear, but in the tread burn it eventually gave them.

The Boys Are Getting Bigger

I got new pictures of my rats the other day, and here they are! They've grown so much and they're cuter than ever. I'm still thinking of names, and am still open to considering your suggestions, if you have any.

The breeder said they opened their eyes Monday and Tuesday of this week, and now they're running around crazily like little toddlers. I can't wait to get them on Mother's Day weekend.

Your fingers smell like Cheetos!

Ready, set, go!

Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!